Dear Aunt Dora,
I am a married man aged 47 with two beautiful twin boys aged 10. I work as a Supervisor at a supermarket in Bucks County. I love my wife to heaven and back. We have been married for 10 years. Recently, she met her ex at a Healthcare clinic and things changed drastically. He calls her every Thursday. She meets him once a week for coffee. When I challenge her about it, she says they are just good friends. This thing is killing me and straining our relationship. I am loyal to my wife and I want to
hold my family together. What can I do to keep this ex from stealing my wife? Is there such a thing as a good friend with an ex? Hurting Charlie.
Dear Hurting Charlie,
Friendships with exes are like unicorns – no one believes that they exist. But what is real is that your wife’s divided attention will continue to eat at you until you do something about it. Do not allow this unnecessary pain and suffering to fester. Make a point to communicate with your wife, calmly, and refrain from making accusations. Explain to her about how and why you feel the way you do. Is it jealousy? loneliness? suspicion? – only you know the answers to that. You will learn more about how she feels about its impact on you, her, and your relationship. You will be able to identify – is it worth saving? You say you love your wife, so make sure you have this conversation before you consider any next steps.
It is said that everyone is innocent until proven guilty. Give her benefit of the doubt. That does not mean however that you should not stay vigilant and keep your eyes open. Team Mafisi is still alive and well in the diaspora!
Note: Aunt Dora has a Masters Degree in Psychology from Villanova University, USA