Tears of chicken

THE MOVEMENT of Kenyan media into the global information internet age has played a major role in making sure that Kenyans living elsewhere are still able to keep up with the current muchene and shenanigans rampant in our politics, lifestyle and diverse ahem outlooks on life.

Daily Nation, The Daily Standard, The Star and other newspapers have made their way out of the roadside “mtu wa gazeti” (selling you the paper while you are on the back-window of the mathree that is still trying to covertly ignore Michuki laws by putting 4 instead of 3 people in the backseat…but I digress) and into the worldwide web of shared pages, most commented and trending stories.  They have (I would think as a stroke of genius or accidental fortune) managed to bring the spirit of their newspapers into the internet

There are a couple of reasons why reading Kenyan newspapers has now become a daily ritual for me:

 Crazy stories that you would most likely only see in Kenya

Exhibit One:

Crazy world

It’s bad enough that the butcheries are selling ass donkey meat to the unsuspecting Kenyan as regular beef. It’s even worse that some “official” is like “If you can’t beat them, join them and make punda nyamachoma!” And serious enough for Nation Newspaper to pick up on it…


Exhibit 2:

Tears of chicken

I loved Crazy World /Crazy Monday when I was still nyumbani, so seeing the section regularly updated like the print version is awesome. Crazy Monday will bring you all the latest “jee huu ni ungwana” moments as well as deliciously ratchet and funny happenings around the country that sound too good to be true. Although in Kenya, truth is most likely stranger than fiction, especially when it comes to precious ingokho (chicken), chips funga/clande/mpango-wa-kando /side-dishes and politics.

But tears over chicken jamani…

It would have been a dancing celebration if they had given him the kuku, but no

All that emotion brings me on to my next point,

 The Comment Section.

Hell hath no fury than a Kenyan (armed with a dictionary) scorned.

Kenyans are emotional. Very much so. Give them a newspaper,10 minutes, a radio, a stool, and an audience and you will have the next Kenyan pundit ready to give their step-by-step analysis on current events and what the projections are for the future.  The comments section gives Kenyans an avenue to tell you EXACTLY what they think of your opinion, and where to shove it. And I love it.

Recently the Nation had an opinion piece by a writer who absolutely abhorred Sheng, basically saying that the language was uncouth and should be avoided at all costs.

(another post for another day), but anyway, fast-scroll down to the comments section:

My face the whole time

Kenyans are awesome at throwing shade and they are not afraid to show it, lest you forget it. But I will also say that Kenyans are notorious for quoting Bible scripture and holding intercessory prayers within the meeting grounds of the Disqus comment section. Don’t think you’ll get away with your uncouthness because somewhere in the comments you’ve already been chongoad, lauded, insulted and dedicated to the Lord in prayer.


Article reprinted with permission from TukoWorksMzeiya. 2013

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