Dear Aunt Dora,
I am a 25 year old single woman and very much in love with my fiancé.
My well to do single potential sister in-law (30 years-old) is insisting that she must be my best maid or else she will cause chaos at my wedding.
My wedding is scheduled in one month and I have paid half deposit for almost everything.
My husband who is her elder brother has tried to talked to her and even asked me to accommodate her in the line-up, which I gracefully agreed.
I dropped one of my best friends in the line-up for her but she still selfishly refuses and has even bought for herself a separate dress and is telling everyone she will be my best maid whether I like it or not.
Her best maid dress which is conflicting with our color scheme, is “yellow” while all my 6 bridesmaids are wearing green. My best maid is frustrated and does not want to be involved in the drama. She wants to pull out of the line -up.
I do not want her to be my best maid who is also my best friend because she is not really close to me and is becoming a nuisance.
I know her brother well enough to marry him since we have dated for three years but I really don’t know his sister that well. Besides it would be easier to confide my marriages challenges to my best maid than to my husband’s sister.
Since my fiancé and his family cannot control her behavior, I am thinking I should call off the wedding.
Please advise me before I go mad.
Disturbed bride-to-be, Nairobi, Kenya.
Dear Disturbed bride-to-be,
Thanks for sharing your wedding challenge with Aunt Dora.
Sibling rivalry and jealousy does not start and end with your “sister in law”. Every wedding has its drama and do not allow your fiancé’s sister to steal your joy. This is a very important day in your life and you deserve to be happy. But a wedding is just a one day’s affair, but marriage is for a lifetime.
Choosing a line up is always a challenge and you need to develop a thick skin, you cannot please everybody so don’t even try! You have several options but at the end of the day, the choice is really yours.
We do not choose our relatives but if you marry this man, his sister will be your relative, so you need to be diplomatic. Be empathetic. She is 30 and still single so she may be feeling insecure. Handle her with care as she searches for her own husband. You cannot stop her from attending the wedding but you can outsmart her.
Be strategic and get some form of security to keep a tab on her at the wedding. This would involve making friends with some of her uncles and the groomsmen. If she starts her drama, let them deal with her or throw her out by proxy but do not do it yourself.
Get one of your handsome cousins to keep her busy and entertained so she will not want to leave his side. She needs attention and having a handsome, flirty man at her beck and call can be a blessing in disguise. This will put a stop to the nonsense.
If you can’t handle the situation completely, postpone the wedding temporarily and sell off your expenses at a discount at cancelledweddings.com. Go to city hall for a civil marriage and spend the rest of the money on a memorable honeymoon at a secret location.
This is your wedding and your future so the choice is yours.