AS THE countdown to Kenya’s presidential elections rerun hits the 30-day mark, the Kenya National Alliance party (NASA)’s rejuvenated trip to Canaan, picks a less celebratory mood. They lost 28 souls already, murdered by government soldiers in cold blood. Their worry is – will the 6.8 million members of the team make it safe home? Do they have a plan B protection for their wives, mothers and children? Will they evade the elusive body bags this part of the journey?
The recent supreme court ruling triggered the wild Gorilla dance (Tibim) both online and on-land and Tialala sounds boomed loud and strong in opposition strongholds. Others danced themselves lame. The Supreme Court had done the impossible; wasted her ears on a perennial loser and turned her back on highly credible and famous international observers.
They wailed and laughed at Jubilee as they called on the name of the recently murdered IEBC, ICT Manager Chris Msando, alleging that his ghost was seen at the supreme court, pinching the ears of Jubilee lawyers. The ghost forced one lawyer to swear before the judges that the IEBC website was inaccessible to NASA lawyers because it was in France and could only be read by lawyers who speak French or Lingala. The ghost confused their heads, drove them towards contempt of court and made them speak nonsense.
NASA voters had their hopes high. The Lord had opened the red sea and they would now drink fresh water from the rock that gave everlasting life.
Tibim composer Onyi Jalamo sang his heart out amid a handsome pay by presidential candidate and opposition leader, Raila Odinga and allegations that the song had turned him into a 5-point millionaire. Onyi’s journey to Canaan was briefly distracted before elections when someone in Mandera killed him on social media. He however sang on and continued setting the campaign tone for NASA. Some women danced around Baba and kissed him as if they were already in the promised land.
NASA supporters have been dancing on the streets and urging the government to send them helicopters to protect them. Meanwhile NASA tailors are busy making a killing with the newest design in town – kitenge designs borrowed from the supreme court judges’ robes and wigs. This is the latest fashion in the NASA strongholds. Anyways, NASA supporters, never ones to run out of ideas have are in a new campaign trend to vote for Baby Pendo citing that the living are the last line of defense for the dead. Baby Pendo, 6 months old, was brutally murdered by anti-riot police during the just annulled presidential election.
People must dress to kill on this unpredictable journey.
There is hardly enough time for feasting though. Canaanites have only 30 days left to reorganize their journey. The voters’ cards and IDs must be retrieved from wherever they are, and the ship must be restocked for the high seas. People are broke and not everyone will be able to travel back home again to vote where they registered. Omena must not run out of stock again as it did in the first election.
The Kenya supreme court judgement read Sept 1 by Justice C.J. Maraga, P. Mwilu, Smokin Wanjala and Isaac Lenaola on behalf of his three counterparts and himself with Judges J.B. Ojwang and N.S. Ndungu dissenting, dismissed the elections as unfair, null and void.
The rerun will cost Kenyan taxpayers $117 million.
According to some Jubilee bloggers, there is no reason for Canaanites to celebrate because most of them allegedly burnt their voter cards after elections. Seasoned Kenyan blogger, Robert Onyango Alai, mocked NASA bloggers with his post, “You already burnt voter cards and said you don’t want to be in IEBC register, how will you vote for Raila? #Supreme Court-decides.”
Canaanite leaders however vow that whether they reach the promised land or not they intend to secede and form their own country. This country will be led by the Lords of Poverty and its occupants will only eat fish, sugarcane, biryani and crocodile meat. And those who know not how to eat fish in the dark must stay in their lane in the former Kenya. This secession conversation is extremely irritating along some quarters. Some leaders cannot imagine keeping their hands off some tribes, having them under their control. If they had their way, they would circumcise whole communities. With secession, who will they mock, insult, frustrate and kill?
Back to elections, the rerun will cost Kenyan taxpayers $117 million, Ezra Chiloba, the chief executive officer of the Independent Electoral and Boundaries Commission (IEBC) told The East African Standard in an interview. The upcoming election is budgeted at 12 billion shillings, most of which goes to IEBC for facilitation purposes. The August 8/8/2017 bungled elections cost tax payers a whopping $480 million.
Meanwhile some Jubilee supporters, led by incumbent President Uhuru Kenyatta have called out the supreme court as rogues and threatened to fix them after he is sworn in. Some have declared delayed victory and accused the supreme court of judiciary coup. They have nonetheless recouped and are back on the campaign trail begging for votes across the country despite bragging of tyranny of numbers.
There is no need for Jubilee to worry though. With such a powerful team of religious leaders, prophets and traditional elders behind them and the tyranny of numbers, the sea will turn red again and Canaanites will not see the promised land.
Meanwhile it is a wait and see whether this new baby will have fresh complications like the first one that Chiloba failed to deliver. Will the mother go through the long and painful labor pains again? Will the opposition complain about the 54 per cent, computer generated leaders again? Only time will tell.